Currently my work has been published in ten books. They are available in all the places you like to shop. Click the image of any book below for more info or to order a copy.

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I am currently focused on getting my first young adult and middle grade novels out into the world, so stay tuned.


The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets is the best-selling collection of funny parenting tweets featuring Kim Bongiorno.

“My kids don’t always cough in my mouth, but when they do, they have a contagious viral infection, and I have big plans three to seven days in the future.”

– Kim Bongiorno @LetMeStart


YOU DO YOU: A Collection of Essays and Poems from Fearless, Empowering, and Inspiring Females for Everyone from Middle School to Middle Age (and beyond) featuring Kim Bongiorno

“I was born a ghost girl. Colorless and silent, I floated into my family and settled in place at the end of the line. It didn’t take long for me to understand that my invisibility was a gift.”

– Kim Bongiorno in This One Is for the Ghost Girls

But Did You Die? Setting the Parenting Bar Low - featuring Kim Bongiorno | Parenting humor anthology in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series

“On steamy summer days when my friends were riding bikes to the corner store to buy PopRocks and Pepsi, I was tapping thigh-sized eggplants to check for ripeness, while ankle-deep in petrified ancient chicken poo. I spent hours in that garden watching sweet peppers bloom and delicate string beans dangle in the hot breeze, while swatting away flittering bugs investigating the speckled green bowl of zucchini under my arm and wondering how I’d ever find a boy who liked me when I was the weird girl who always smelled a little bit like the special plant food my mom made from eggshells and used coffee grinds.”
– Kim Bongiorno in My Cooking Lessons Smelled Like Darwinism and Old Chicken Poop

I Just Want to Be Perfect book featuring Kim Bongiorno

“This is how I found out the hard way it’s rather difficult to hide a busted butthole.”

– Kim Bongiorno in I Tried to Be the Perfect Mom Friend but My Butt Got in the Way

I Still Just Want to Pee Alone is a best-selling parenting humor anthology featuring Kim Bongiorno.

“Everything I needed to know about being a terrible mom, I learned from my Nana.”
– Kim Bongiorno in How to Be a Terrible Mom

I Just Want to Be Alone is a best-selling relationship humor anthology featuring Kim Bongiorno.

“Let me tell you a little story about love.”
– Kim Bongiorno in Love a Broad

I Just Want to Pee Alone is the New York Times Best Selling parenting humor anthology featuring Kim Bongiorno with the opening essay.

“I wanted a wrap. I’d settle for a massage. If I were home, I’d cancel the appointment and wait for exactly what I wanted. Actually, if I was home I’d be elbow-deep in someone else’s poop, so I bucked up and accepted the offer of a body scrub. I used to like to try new things, and, really, how bad could it be?

We walked into the adjoining room, and what stood before me looked like a waterboarding platform for starfish.”
– Kim Bongiorno in The Naked Starfish

"You Have Lipstick On Your Teeth" and Other Things You'll Only Hear from Your Friends In The Powder Room featuring Kim Bongiorno is a truly laugh-out-loud best-selling women's humor anthology.

“A candle flickered by the sink, adding sweetness to the spit-up scented air that was getting punched in the face by a diaper change…”
– Kim Bongiorno in Then I Asked: What Should I Know About Having a Kid?

Scary Mommy's Guide to Surviving the Holidays featuring Kim Bongiorno is the popular parenting humor collection by one of the biggest mom blogger websites around.

“29. Lose the 5-year-old amidst the trees.

30. Find the 5-year-old.

31. Ask for the tall trees.

32 .Lose the 3-year-old while walking towards the tall trees.

33. Find the 3-year-old.

34. Gently remind children that if they run off again they will not get a Christmas tree, or presents, or joy.

35. Silently pray you don’t have to actually follow through on that.”
– Kim Bongiorno in How to Buy a Christmas Tree with a Preschooler and a Kindergartener

Fifty Shades of Funny featuring Kim Bongiorno.

“One typical Friday night I found myself on the couch, stroking my cats while eating out of a box of Cap’n Crunch. Before turning on the TV, I asked my brother if he cared whether I put on the PJs that had the hole in the crotch. His silent expression was all I needed to see: It was time to start dating again.”
– Kim Bongiorno in Shock and Soy Sauce



“The radio clicked off.

The silence of the room soaked up her raspy breaths, her pounding heart, her ache, and stirred them around the one man she ever longed for in a way that changes how you taste the world.”

Her desire swirled in a pulsing, betraying, blurry hook, and encouraged him to move closer.

Martin obeyed.”
– Kim Bongiorno in Revived

“Milky sunbeams danced around fat heads of passionately fuchsia peonies.

The flowers leaned lazily, allowing light to wash over a sighing boy’s asparagus-green flesh, exposing its glorious opalescent glow to the inky eyes of calico-feathered birds perched above.

Lean fingers fiddled with slick blue blades of grass growing at the water’s edge.

Embarrassed, he tossed a pebble into the pond, scattering the school of lemony fish that had witnessed him weeping.”
– Kim Bongiorno in A Part of His World


I wrote a YA novel. It’s pretty awesome. I’m writing a MG book, too. Also awesome. If you are a literary agent interested in representing me, please read this or contact me at

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Books by Kim Bongiorno